So, if you’ve read my blogs in the past, you know I’ve struggled with anxiety. When I was a kid, I was always a “worrier.” I remember that I wouldn’t want to go to gymnastics and would be super nervous for each practice because I thought I would get sick (because one time I did). I tend to have something happen to me once and then I think my life will be like that.
I sometimes wonder if anxiety is all environment and growing up in society. When I was a kid, they didn’t call it “anxiety.” As I went through middle school, I remember just having nervous feelings about things. In high school, I was very anxious about school and being social (social anxiety). I think anxiety points towards my highest stressors in each period of my life. Once I found my friends at the end of high school and got into my college, both of those stressors disappeared and my anxiety lessened.
The beginning of this year was a lot of anxious, planning thoughts with school and how I would make friends. I am starting to really find my real friends and I think what has helped me the most is cut the rope that ties me so closely to my stressors. Mostly, I think I’ve learned to care a little less. I can feel my anxiety underneath me, and I could fall into it at any second if I wanted to. I practice every day to not let myself choose the anxiety route. It doesn’t help.
I think when I loosened up about things like school (working to less extremes so I can stay sane and accept B’s) and identifying my stressors helped. I am such a “yes” girl and usually say yes to every plan, always trying to do it all and it exhausted me. Now I have learned a lot more about what “no’s” are important to me. For example, some days I need to not see any friends because I need to study or be alone.
I also don’t plan things out anymore as much. I write in my planner the things I need to do each day and then look it over the day of instead of constantly writing on my phone what to do. When it’s written it helps me. I workout when I can, not everyday or planned.
I’ve also created new mindsets on things. Before, I used a lot of anxiety reducing like techniques, for example, when I was anxious I would go on a walk. Now, it’s more about a mindset that I create. I go into situations and tell myself that I am just going to be me and that I don’t need to like everyone or have everyone like me because I already have my people. If someone and I bond, great. Otherwise, it’s okay. I’m enough no matter what. I also have phrases that I repeat in my mind. And, I remember that the moment I’m in is temporary and won’t necessarily repeat itself.
Loosening my grip on things a little sounds weird or concerning to people, but my grip was way too strong on things, and I feel myself day to day a lot more neutral about things and more accepting. It’s more about caring about things, but not so much that they compromise my personal happiness. I still struggle, but I have learned techniques that work for me.
Thanks for listening!